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[18 Dec 2004|11:02am] |
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Fleas and Lice - Breaking the Law |
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it couldnt have been any fucken better......
tonight was one of the best nights of my life i wouldnt change it for anything it was all so perfect toher than the cockblocking and the wiredos i had a bomb fucken night...i got her back....i love her.....and im happier.......wayyyyyy happier
ive been sleeping now im sleeping and im also not dreaming anymore...or at least not freaking out in my dreams no more....
she loves me.....i got that feeling back
she took me back.......
the past few days have been perfect everything has been going well and tonight was a perfect way to end my weekened it was great..
she....sings for the band now.....the band is doing so great right now....
everything is perfect and nothing could fuck any of it up for me....
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| :-[ |
[06 Dec 2004|01:04pm] |
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mood |
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DiSrUpT - ChANGe |
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my love for you is strong.....
talking to you and seeing you is the only thing that keeps me here....
caring about you thinking about you is pretty much 110% of what i do
i wish there was something i could do maybe there is.....but just dont know what i is......
all i want to do is hold you in my arms and call you mine.....
i want what i have to be more than just feelings....for you
i wanna be the reason your smiling....i want you to be the reason your smiling....(you are)
i want to not give a shit about anything but about what you think cuz you are the only thing that keeps me going keeps me sane keeps me happy keeps me here on his awful fucking shit hole of world.....
i want to kiss you again and whisper i love you into your ear...
i want that feeling i got when you told me you loved me i wanna cry because i am so happy to have somehting so beautiful in my life....
i want you to feel the way i feel about you....
i would do anything to get her back anything at all....
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| i miss you.... |
[29 Nov 2004|06:59am] |
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mood |
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cold |
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music |
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the sweet silence |
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i miss the late night all nighter phone calls
i miss the long talks
i miss being really excited about class getting out becaus ei was able to go see you
i miss thinking about you before i fell asleep
i miss not worrying about anything bothering me except you
i miss not caring about what others thought of me
i miss holding you
i miss kissing you
i miss being alone with you
i miss hanging out with you
but most of all i miss how you made me feel when i was with you i miss thinking about what to do this weekened with you i miss sitting at the phone waiting for your call i miss you
i really do....:-\
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[28 Nov 2004|09:06am] |
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and oh as yes the sky did turn to night, I shield my eyes and hide from the bright of day and cast the stone deep into the field of man and hide in shame, and low the flag raised in vain and close my mind to this lost day and and shield my body with ferns of grey and ask no more of life unsaved and smile no more and lay here scaved, and become the tombstone of my grave.
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| you saw my plastic smile i hope you feel like shit for what you did..... |
[28 Nov 2004|07:52am] |
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mood |
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music |
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SuBLiMe - BaDfiSh |
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yeah so lets see......
my thanksgiving break wasnt great at all the whole passed week has just been hell so i cant really keep a smile on
ive been having this really sharp pain in my side and i been really really tired lately...
my hands wont stop shaking its scaring me...
i dont really do much anymore...
how im feeling cannot be described its just like im feeling so _______________.
i just dont feel like myself anymore i dont feel like me i get this feeling when i see people around me happy and smiling i just feel like throwing up i get sick to my stomach i envy those who are happy or at leats look it im finding it really hard to even fake a smile anymore
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| sLeEp |
[25 Nov 2004|05:22am] |
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mood |
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ThE LoCuSt - SeVeR ThE tOEs |
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so im sitting there listening to my Dystopia cd when the song sleep comes on.......
i realized this song is my song after reading the lyrics it goes with what im going through right now not really depression i mean even though it is some of that but also my dreams are really killing me it just too much for me to handle from waking up screaming to waking up in tears and it really gets to me i hardly ever get any sleep and if i do it can only be for 2 hours at he most at a time....
this is pretty much how every night goes for me:
a)set my alarm for 2 hours after whatever time it is when im going to bed
b)waking up
c)doing something to keep my mind off of the dreams and whatever is bothering me usually writting a song or drawing
d)setting clock again
and so on....
"Sleep" Dystopia
searching for my soul
through chasms of my minds
longing my own desire
to make me apart of life
round and round this circle turns
never coming to end
hideous games played on my mind
driving me insane
this ring of painul delight
resides deep within my brain
insanity comes too naturally
when my arms bleed
crossing the sky
deep within these dreams
crashing back to the sea
the sleep numbs my mind
from todays reality
sleep
the dreams will come true
my life will be over soon
sleep my child
your life is doomed
sleep
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[18 Nov 2004|07:57am] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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Sore Throat - Exploited |
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well i guess here it goes yet again...
i must have done something wrong...
shits going down the drain...
ive pretty much lost her...
ive got no one to talk to...
whats there to do i got nothing.....
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[07 Nov 2004|08:43am] |
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mood |
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music |
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Life In Exile - Manufactured-Programmed-Destroyed |
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Saturday Morning:
i wake up around 9 then the munchies come i eat and then my parents leave i wait and then matt shows up he said we were going to his friends how to get some brew we sat there for a while and i started getting a little bored so i started hitting them bowls with john whihc was tight then we went to the post office and watched johns baked ass try to put a money order in an envelope whihc was pretty funny then we went to get the brew after we went back to johns crib and chilled for a little bit then we left and went to matts to get some munchies after we went to maxs and we had band practice with preston and worked hard to get our stuff down we did good then we left for the party
Saturday Night:
so last night we were supposed to have a show at hannahs gig but then around 9 cops came down and said if one more complaint came in about the noise that hannahs dad would get arrested?im sitting there like...WHAT THE FUCK!?! we practiced so much for this show we brought some equipment down even had preston drive back to get the drum set back set it up watched all the shitty bands fucken play and then were told we werent going to be able to play that shit fucked up my night i hit them bowls and forgot about that shit cuz i was so fucken pissed then hit my little friend MICKEY'S after i got a ride home from matt and him and nate crashed so in short
hopefully this week goes by fast and easy half day wednesday no school thursday or friday sheeeeiiiiitttt
and the dads leaving on monday the 15th so yeah.....
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[02 Nov 2004|12:07pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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music |
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Detestation - The Agony of Living |
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FuCk iT HolMeS
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[20 Oct 2004|08:59am] |
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mood |
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Disrupt - Leave Me Be |
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you know sometimes
sometimes i feel so tired
i cant eat
i cant sleep
im so tired
the pressure builds and builds
seems like theres no use
the things i see
go unnoticed by some
fill my eyes with horror
anger!
guilt!
the frustration
the depression
makes waking up everyday harder and harder
i gotta make money
so i can get by
so i can breathe
eat and live in this society
i dont even like money
and i gotta work everyday
just to feed myself
god it makes me sick
i just wanna curl up into a hole
and die cuz it isnt worth it
i need a raise man
i cant survive in this anymore
i cant live on this
im hungry
i have seen hell
you dont care
you dont love me
i only love myself
no one will love me
like i love me.........
scary farm on friday.....hopefully it works out also band practice on saturday hopefully that work out too man i miss the band and the practices and the band stoagies we'd have hahah and the band toke sessions......
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| hmmmmm |
[10 Oct 2004|09:22am] |
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music |
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Ghoul - Numbskull |
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you ever been sitting there and listening to a song and actually pay attention to the lyrics and its weird how they just fucken fit exactly how your feeling fuck its scary but i found some songs that are like exactly how i feel its scary but its awesome when i hear the song and i can just sit there and cry my eyes out and not give a fuck about what anyone has to say thinks or anything of that sort
"I STILL LOVE YOU JULIE"
(verse 1)
Last night, a room - full, drunk - sang along to the songs I never had the courage to write. Given the chance, I'd stay in this chorus forever, where everything ugly in this world is sadly beautiful.In our desperate memories. No, we're not gonna call everyone on their shit tonight, even though the half of you won't even smile the next time we pass on the street.
(chorus)
Maybe somehow this scam will still save us all...
So i was sitting there just remembering the good times from a while back and started crying my eyes out cuz i just miss how everything used to be fuck the depression man
(verse 2)
Then I saw you dancing at a punk rock show & for a moment we walked the streets that everyone else had given up to 4am, 'Cause promises & spray paint marking everywhere we went & every direction only going as far as we let it.
There's so many things we try to do truthfully. By the time it's through with us it all falls apart. Maybe somehow. This scam will still save us all.
yeah so i dunno whats goin on alex is pissed at me nothing is going good and i dunno what im gonna do about it.....
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| long time no update here goes |
[02 Oct 2004|10:44pm] |
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dYsToPiA - sLeeP |
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"StReSS BuiLdS ChArAcTeR"
lifes been swell
now i want to die
my body it hurts me
sigh after sigh
i call it torture
you call it life
a slave to money
and everything i despise
like everyone in general
fuck eat sleep destroy
just about the only things
you fucking enjoy
i am a disposable being
who will fuck all life
i multiply and the air
gets thinner and dirty
i take up space
i smell i consume
but i produce nothing
i abuse
i have no reason to exist
the toilets clogged
in this world of shit
i breathe filth everyday
living fucks up my brain
why? why? did i wake up today
my eyes are heavy why? why?
must i see your face
your life is ugly why? why?
did i buy unto these things
i dont want them tenion tension
frustration alone tension despair
tension all these pressures
ON MY LIFE!!!
beeen really depressed lately if you havent noticed after reading this song....yep sucks its all fucking coming back ive been really good at playing it off which is cool though i dunno man shit sucks lately oh well
and fuck eveyone who has somehting to say about me wearing what I WANNA FUCKING WEAR once in a while just cuz im wearing fucking jeans and a white shirt doesnt mean i still have the same fucking beliefs and doesnt mean i dont listen to the same kinds of music fuck you you know who you are dont tell me what to listen to dont tell me what to wear fuck you
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| iMpOrTs SuCk |
[12 Sep 2004|02:58pm] |
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 calm |
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music |
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none |
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so eh on friday i had to wokr so i didnt really do anything then on saturday i had to work in the morning after that we got bored and met up with kasey and me matt kasey drove to altadena after a while we got bored and called up nate an alex and decided we wanted to go the "haunted forest" which would have been cool then we drove to get will right when he was gettin out of work then we went for the forest when we got there some stupid lady started asking questions thinking we were stupid ass stoner kids.......wait a minute hahah we sorta are but whatever then we decided to leave cuz we didnt wanna get burned so we drove to some park in altadena and fucken rolled down the hills and got all itchy and shit then matt met up with some rice rockets and decided he wanted to take us all home and was gonna go race up at gravity hill......speaking of gravity hill that place is a fucken trip man! u put ur car in neutral and the car faces down and slowly the car starts rolling backwards up the mountain something about some kids died on a bus up there and are trying to save you so they push you back i hear if you put like powder on yer car you can see little hand prints and shit im like WHAT A TRIP MAN!!! hahah yeah allright im out PEACE (E) (F) (U)
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| FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! |
[07 Sep 2004|06:52am] |
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mood |
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NoRmAnDiE |
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hmmm so lets see good/bad things that have been going on
lets get the bad over with first
>>Bad<<
1)summer is pretty much over....which means school is gon start up again...
2)Preston broke his hand....which means the controlled is gon be out for a while
3)i havent really done anything with myself lately im just a big fuckin loser who has no life....hahah (der-uh-gz)
4)lotta people hate me right now...i dun really care but still it gets to me
5)SHE leaves for days at a time with not even a phone call i dunno i feel like im controlling her but im not trying to at all
>>Good<<
nothing really hahah
hmmmmm lets see im bored i hate everything and yeah someone help me please!!!! i need help someone either suggest something or i dunno but yeah before i end up doing something really really stupid
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| CUERNAVACA |
[30 Aug 2004|02:52am] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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dYsTopiA - InFaNticiDe |
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allright so saturday......eh i got up early for the big day got ready and went to trevors house around 11 for a early band practice cuz we needed to get our shit done we practiced for like 5 hours then we were out so we left i left with matt put my amp and guitar in his car and we picked up kasey with preston we went to rite-aid and jacked some stoagies and then we were off to the cuernavacas after we picked up taylor....
we got to cuernavaca and everyone was there which was dope! then shit got fucked up bands were being stupid but hey whatever the show went on it was fun saw carbomber run a muck and sin remedio all very very very good bands then we went on after sin remdio which was dope the crowd went crazy the pits was cool and then the lady shut us down we were like FUCK and so we waited till she turned the lights back on and played another song got shut down yet again after that they told everyone to leave but no one wanted to go they all said "one more song one more song" so we were like allright 1 more and we did it we didnt even get to finish it it got too rowdy and shit so we ended up having to leave i mean we only played fucken like 4 songs but i had so much fun
some drama but i think its all gone if i just avoid some people......belle knows what im talkin about
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[27 Aug 2004|10:57am] |
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music |
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DYstOpiA - Taste Your Own MeDiCiNe |
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fLuX PnK iNDiAnS: can we be cool ? no fucken drama and shit?
fLuX PnK iNDiAnS: just homies till the end?
fLuX PnK iNDiAnS: like dre and eminem?
ttotal blam blam: yes we can be cool no drama
ttotal blam blam: as long as i can be dre
fLuX PnK iNDiAnS: F U !
ttotal blam blam: becasue we all know im the black one
fLuX PnK iNDiAnS: im dre since im brown
ttotal blam blam: no
ttotal blam blam: haha
ttotal blam blam: fine
fLuX PnK iNDiAnS: ur eminem cuz u white as snow hoe!
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ratzinthecity's journal
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